Not a sigh and not a sorrow

[andhiswife]

Greta had given herself plenty of time. She'd needed it. There was a lot to read about modern-day dog ownership, and plenty of supplies to acquire. On top of that, she'd wanted to give her enthusiasm time to fade, if it was going to. The idea of getting a dog had struck suddenly enough to qualify as a whim. She needed to be certain that she wanted a dog for its own sake, and not just because she was desperate for something to do.

But her research hadn't put her off, and her enthusiasm hadn't waned. She staggered her supply runs, giving herself ample time to reconsider. But, two weeks after she first started seriously thinking about it, she finds herself with everything a dog might require. (Except for a bed. The necessity of that seems questionable, and she wouldn't know what size to get until she chose a dog, anyway.)

There's really no need to put it off any longer.

She calls Demelza, intending to suggest they find a time over the next few days, but she isn't surprised when her friend insists that they can make today work, and she doesn't argue. Within the hour, Demelza's cheerfully leading her towards one of Darrow's animal shelters.

"Thank you for this," Greta says for the nth time, her arm linked with her friend's and a long-absent bounce in her step. "It'll be good to have a second opinion."

Comments

[andhiswife]

She came off too strong, that's the problem, but there's no undoing it. And it's not the only problem; there are plenty of other ones that have occurred to her. If they weren't standing in an animal shelter, under the constant threat of interruption, she might even list them off, just to demonstrate that she doesn't need anyone else's help when it comes to thinking about all this. But it's a miserable list, and whether airing it brought her any grim satisfaction or not, it definitely wouldn't bring her any cheer.

She could say that what she ought to have is beside the point. She's still living on borrowed time, still struggling to find a balance between salvaging what happiness she can without stockpiling sorrow for the future -- for herself or anyone else she might leave here. She could point out that this isn't anything like Demelza and Ross and their comparatively charmed life: she and Sam are from different worlds, and if Darrow parts them, that's it. There won't be any inevitable reunions waiting for them. They don't belong together. She could go on about how worried she is that she's already made things difficult or uncomfortable (god, she still can't believe she just fell asleep on him), and that he was just too kind and polite to kick her while she was already down.

Honestly, she'll consider it a miracle if they can just hold on to what they've got. She won't risk ruining it over whatever silly, romantic notion Demelza's peddling.

She stares right through the form for a few moments, furiously blinking her vision back into focus. She is not going to start crying, god, she was so happy to be done doing that all the time. It's more frustration than sorrow, as if she's been backed into a corner with no easy way out. What does Demelza honestly expect her to do?

"I don't know," she says tersely. She sets down the pen for a moment, burying her face in her hands with a gusty sigh. "Maybe I shouldn't call him. I suppose it would seem rather... presumptuous." They haven't really cut back on the time they've been spending together (even if they'd tried, she suspects Jordan would have had something to say about it). But still, maybe it's too much to even imply that of course they'd be seeing so much of whatever dog she gets for herself.

[letitbetrue]

"No," Demelza says firmly, looping her arm through Greta's and tilting her head to lean her cheek on her friend's shoulder. "No, you ought to call him."

Because regardless of what Greta says, if there's someone in her life she's spending enough time with for her to even consider calling him for something like this, then he should be called. And Darrow is different, men aren't so mysterious as they had been in Cornwall (though she'd not call many of those men mysterious either, given their lustful gazes and their roaming hands) and she expects if this Sam is spending this much time with Greta, it's not simply due to the fact that his daughter is taken with her. Any smart man would be taken with her, too, and Demelza now wants to meet him so she can see for herself.

She's an eye for these things, after all, and as Ross would say, she does like to meddle. That's not what she'll do here, she knows Greta wouldn't want her to and she'd not want to make her friend uncomfortable.

"If you're spending that much time with his daughter, tis only the smart thing to do," she says, still with her cheek on Greta's shoulder. "And I'll not say a single word of anything, I'll be perfectly polite. I know it may be difficult to believe, but I've been capable of behaving myself every once in awhile and I would be happy to do so for 'ee."

She's teasing again, her words gentle, but light. Greta has had too much difficulty in her life as of late and Demelza would hate to add to it, even unintentionally.

[andhiswife]

Greta sighs again, tipping her head towards Demelza's in both acknowledgment and apology. She's not exactly proud of getting all worked up and complicating matters, even if it was her friend's questions that had prompted it. She could have anticipated them -- should have, really. Though even that wouldn't have made her a better liar.

She's still feeling a little uncertain about the whole affair, but mentioning Jordan helps bring things into focus. It's not unusual for her to babysit the girl, and knowing that Jordan could spend time at her apartment without having to tiptoe around the dog would put her and Sam's minds at ease. It doesn't even have to be about the time they all spend together; it could just be about that. She might be seizing onto that explanation a little too readily, relieved to have such a sensible excuse, but it's still the practical thing to do, isn't it?

It also helps that Demelza's promising to behave herself. Greta greets that with a faint, dubious snort, though it's just as much a relief as the babysitting excuse. She doesn't truly believe her friend would make things difficult on purpose, but if Greta's own overblown response is any indication, it could still happen by accident. She just wants this to be simple. They're meeting a dog, that's all.

"All right," she murmurs, digging out her phone and sending him a quick text before she can change her mind again. She's learned that just calling people directly isn't really done, and she doesn't want to interrupt him if he's busy. She sets the device aside and returns to the form, but only gets through half a line before there's an answering buzz. At that point, she does give in and just call him -- if only because she knows it'll be far quicker than trying to explain the whole situation by text.

He sounds pleased to hear from her, which helps put her at ease; she's evidently not interrupting anything important. Greta catches Demelza's eye, then quickly pivots away. She can't have this conversation and watch her friend's reactions at the same time. Instead, she ambles slowly about the lobby as she explains the situation, with occasional pauses and backtracks due to Jordan's interruptions (a good third of which are just 'hi, Greta!'s, bellowed at such volume that she has to pull the phone away from her ear with a sympathetic wince for Sam). Fortunately, he doesn't seem the least bit taken aback by her request, once she gets around to it, and assures her they'll be by as soon as they can manage. By the time she hangs up, she's grinning, buoyed by relief and pleased anticipation.

She'd almost forgot her audience, and she self-consciously reins herself in a little. "You promised to behave," she reminds her, though there's still a smile lurking in the corners of her eyes as she returns to the form. Knowing what a production it can be to get Jordan out of the house (even when she's inclined to be cooperative), Greta assumes she'll have more than enough time to fill it out before they arrive.

[letitbetrue]

Demelza desperately wants to eavesdrop. The urge is so strong she can feel it in her bones, but she respects Greta's friendship too much and doesn't want to become the sort of person who engages in such acts and so she stays put where she is, first reading over the form, then inviting a small dog in the office into her lap where she can stroke her belly and rubs her small feet gently. The dog lies placidly, all four of her paws up in the air, and by the time Greta returns -- wearing quite the smile, she notes -- Demelza's dress is covered in bits of white fur.

"I've said nothing at all," she answers, but she's smiling in return as Greta takes her seat once more and returns to the form.

"Judas, but they ask a lot of questions, don't they?" she asks, continuing to stroke the dog's ears as Greta fills out her answers. "Where you live and your name, that all do make plain sense to me, but there are so many questions about your schedule and what you plan t'do with the dog if 'ee work away from home. I suppose it's that they want their dogs to have the very best care, but it still seems to be so much."

Especially for someone like her, who simply found Garrick as a pup and brought him home with her, more than willing to risk the beating she knew would come when her father discovered him. Garrick is her best friend, her protector, the only presence she had been able to rely on for such a long time. It isn't the same any longer, it hasn't been since she met Ross, but Garrick is still so important to her and she knows she would fill out any form that was asked of her to be able to keep him now.

[improvises]

This certainly isn't how Sam expected to be spending his afternoon, but it definitely isn't a prospect he can object to, either. He's always had a fondness for rescue animals, has for a long time thought that he's probably closer to Marvin than he is to most people, so he'd have been glad to offer any input anyway. Making sure Jordan will mesh with whatever dog Greta's chosen is even less of a chore, slightly surprising in its thoughtfulness but entirely sensible, too. They do spend a fair amount of time together, and it isn't infrequently that Jordan goes over to Greta's. To have to worry about the two of them, dog and toddler, not getting along would be undoubtedly inconvenient. It's really the only way he's managed to talk himself out of adopting any more animals himself. He'd want to bring her, and she'd want all of them, and then there would be Marvin to consider, too, and how well he and another dog would do around each other. For him, it might be too much trouble — or, at least, he tells himself that — but in this instance, it's easy, especially if she already has one in mind.

By the time they reach the shelter, Jordan is what Sam would classify as a little too excited, though he's already told her, more than once, that they're not bringing home another dog for themselves. Still, once they're through the door, she tugs him forward, Sam keeping her hand in his so she doesn't get too far ahead of herself, calling out for Greta as soon as she catches sight of her.

Sam just laughs, a little helpless. "As soon as I told her 'dog,' this started," he says. "Here's hoping that won't make any difference." After pausing a beat, and offering a smile to Greta's friend as well, he adds belatedly, "Hi."

[andhiswife]

Greta hums in wry acknowledgment of Demelza's point. They clearly want to make sure their dogs are well placed, and she can't blame them for that. But it's far more scrutiny than anyone back home would ask for. There are people who have children without this much forethought. It makes her a bit nervous, actually -- what if she loses out on a technicality? Are they going to turn her away, empty-handed, because she has a job that takes her out of the house for a good chunk of the day? Wouldn't they rather know a prospective adopter was gainfully employed in the first place?

If there's an upshot to the form's complexity, it's that it manages to keep her absorbed. She finishes it with only a few minutes to spare before Sam and Jordan's arrival, which means she only has a few minutes to fret and second-guess herself. She goes over her answers for the nth time, running them all past Demelza, too (though, given that they both find the thoroughness of the form a little bewildering, her friend's reassurances can only go so far). When the door finally opens, and she hears Jordan calling out to her, she's relieved to finally have an excuse to set the dratted thing aside for a minute.

"Hello, sweetheart," she says to the girl, rising out of her chair so she can scoop her up into her arms -- the gesture now all but customary, Jordan perching on her hip with familiar ease. "You are getting taller every day. Soon, you'll be the one scooping me up." Jordan grins, anticipatory and just a touch uncertain, until Greta raises her eyebrows and asks, "You don't think so?" The girl shakes her head, giggling.

"Well, a little excitement is to be expected," Greta allows, though the smile she offers Sam is a touch sheepish. She hadn't really considered what Jordan might make of the trip, though if she had, she could've guessed that it would wind her up. It's a good thing that Sadie seems like a calm sort. Good, too, that at least one of them intends to leave here with a dog. That might make it easier to convince Jordan she's not losing out if Sam doesn't also get Marvin a new friend.

She gives a subtle, guilty start when Sam greets Demelza, belatedly realizing that she should have started with introductions. "Sam, this is Demelza Poldark. She's been an enormous help with," she flaps a hand in a shelter-encompassing gesture, "all of this. Demelza, this is Sam Flynn, and this is Jordan." She pivots so Jordan can see Demelza more easily, explaining, "Demelza is a very good friend of mine." 'Demelza' is also a bit of a mouthful for a three-year-old, so she's careful to pronounce it slowly for her.

[letitbetrue]

As soon as Sam comes in, Demelza can see that he's very handsome. Not nearly as handsome as Ross, of course, though she thinks perhaps that's an unfair comparison for her to make, since she doesn't believe any man to be as handsome as her husband, And yet he is handsome, terribly so. As he comes in, he barely even glances at her at first, which only serves to make a very smug feeling rise up in Demelza, though she does her best not to let it show because she had promised Greta she would behave. Men tend to like the look of her for some reason that she doesn't understand and Sam clearly only has eyes for Greta.

But she's perfectly polite and inclines her head slightly without thought, a form of greeting not often used in Darrow. It's only that she's focused so much on behaving properly that she's reverted to old habits, ones that are sometimes slightly embarrassing in Darrow and she decides she can blame Greta for this, since it's her friend she's trying not to embarrass in any way.

"I'm that pleased to meet 'ee," she says politely, then purposely avoids Greta's gaze for fear she might break out into laughter, and instead looks right at Jordan. "And you, too. I have a daughter as well, her name is Julia, though I do think she's a wee bit smaller than you are. How old are 'ee, Jordan?"