for Regan

[andhiswife]

It takes a few visits before Greta starts to suspect that something is a bit, well... off.

Regan has spent several afternoons doing homework at the cottage, ostensibly because it's more peaceful. Greta had briefly doubted that explanation on the grounds that quiet might be found literally anywhere, from Regan's perspective, but then she'd caught herself. There are plenty of ways for a space to be busy, and she knows the Home is a crowded place these days -- and short on privacy, doubtless. Maybe, too, Regan simply wanted to be somewhere a bit more, well, homey. It's hard to match the atmosphere created by a fire in the hearth and a few shaggy dogs on the floor, and all the tea and snacks you could ask for.

But Greta still has a hard time shaking the conviction that there's something else at work. That Regan's smile is a little too eager and her eye contact too brief. That there's something unbalanced between the effort she makes to be here and how deliberately casual she is once she's arrived.

It is entirely possible that she's simply being a teenager. But given her wealth of options when it comes to studying -- cafés, libraries, coffeeshops -- Greta can't help but wonder how much her resemblance to Regan's mother is playing into all this. They've never really talked about it, beyond that initial, jarring pronouncement (and her subsequent pet over Thomas). She doesn't really know what Regan thinks of it all.

The girl is currently bent over her homework, so Greta has to drum her fingers on the table to get her attention. "Everything okay?" she signs, the furrow between her brows suggesting that she doesn't mean it in a casual, would-you-like-more-tea sense.

Comments

[negative_feedback]

Regan looks up when Greta catches her attention. "Yes...?" she answers. The uptick of her eyebrows makes it more of a question than a real answer. She experiences a brief moment of panic as she realizes that Greta is probably catching on: that Regan doesn't want to be at the Home while Creepy Tim is around.

"Everything's fine; why wouldn't it be?" She's fine, Greta's fine, the Home is fine. Everything's fine!

[andhiswife]

The anxious look flits across Regan's features so quickly that Greta easily could have missed it if she wasn't paying close attention. Something is clearly amiss, and while Greta doesn't know for certain what it might be, she can make what she considers to be a good enough guess.

It's sort of ridiculous, really. She's looked up enough ASL to have what amounts to a prepared speech, but her vocabulary is still fairly limited. Even as she learned what she wanted to say, she felt foolish, knowing a nuanced response would be completely lost on her unless Regan writes it down.

But she still learned it. So she pulls up a chair and sits, taking a breath and running through the signs in her head before she begins.

"You are always welcome here," she signs first, because she doesn't want that to be in doubt. "But I know this is... weird." She indicates her own face with a small, sheepish hitch of her shoulders. "And I don't want to make things harder for you." For all that her signing is careful and precise, she's still beating around the bush a little, and she knows it. But anything less would seem presumptuous. She still doesn't know why Regan's keen to spend time here.

[negative_feedback]

Regan tracks her movements, making sure she's not misreading anything. Greta is learning well, but she's still new, and if she makes an honest mistake, she wants to make sure she can parse what she'd meant versus what she'd signed.

But that isn't the case here. Instead, the case is that Greta is talking nonsense. What's weird?

It's been just long enough that she's stopped really thinking of Greta as a mom-lookalike and as more of an aunt or friend. So it takes a bit longer than it should to realize what she means.

When she does, Regan's eyebrows shoot up, and her mouth makes a little 'oh!'

"No, it's not like that," she assures. "I like that you look like my mom, but that's not why I come hang out here. I like it here. I like hanging out with you. I see you as an aunt." She pauses, then spells the word, in case Greta doesn't know the sign. But, she might recognize it, just a bit different: a G, instead of an A shape. Regan has taken to using it when she refers to Greta.

[andhiswife]

For a moment, she thinks that she was perhaps a little too indirect -- or, worse, that she flubbed her signing so badly that Regan has no idea what she was even trying to say. But then it seems to click, and she follows along as best she can as Regan replies.

'As best she can' turns out to be rather better than she'd expected; she is learning, slowly but surely. The one part that throws her is when she finger-spells aunt. Greta recognizes the sign as being very close to hers, the one Regan uses in place of Greta's name (or in place of finger-spelling it every time, which she imagines would get tedious). The girl has already explained how that works: how often, people will combine the first letter of their name and some kind of motion into a signed name. And 'G' was easy to recognize, obviously.

But she hadn't realized the hand motion meant something on its own. And that it means aunt is... rather moving, actually, and between that and the general relief of being on the same page, she has to blink a bit to keep her eyes from getting all misty.

"Okay," she signs, now feeling the paltriness of her own vocabulary acutely. She didn't know how this would go, and hadn't been able to prepare a response. "Good. I'm glad. I was... worried." She lets her hands drop, then shakes her head at herself.

[negative_feedback]

The misunderstanding, however brief, is enough to have Regan sort of relaxing. Greta hasn't caught on to the crap going on at the Home. This isn't better, exactly, but it's easier. She doesn't have to reassure Greta of something she doesn't even believe herself.

What she can say, however, is at least one thing that's true: "You don't need to." She doesn't want Greta to worry about anything. Not about how weird it may or may not be for Regan here, and not about anything that may or may not be going on at the Home.

[andhiswife]

Greta huffs out a quiet laugh, more at herself than at Regan. She's not the girl's mother -- and she quite likes the idea of being seen as more akin to an aunt -- but that doesn't mean she isn't going to worry. It doesn't even mean she won't worry about that specific thing, really, though she'll probably worry less.

"Yes, I do," she signs with a wry smile, before reaching out to give the girl's cheek a fond pat. She's been more careful about those little, affectionate things with Regan, not wanting to overstep. But now that they've cleared the air, it feels less fraught than it used to.

[negative_feedback]

That makes Regan pause for a moment, and she smiles. "I'm really glad I met you, Greta," she says. She can imagine her life in Darrow would've started out very differently than it did, and more than likely not for the better.

She has to go back to her homework then, because if she doesn't, she's going to either start crying, or spill about Creepy Tim and the Home.

[andhiswife]

"Me, too," Greta agrees. She might try to say more, or just hug the girl outright, but she has a feeling that would result in both of them crying, and that isn't really what either of them need. Not judging by the way Regan deliberately bends over her homework, at any rate.

She gets up, leaving the girl to it for the time being. After puttering around in the kitchen for fifteen minutes or so, she gets Regan's attention again, and asks, "Do you want to stay for dinner?" It wouldn't be the first time; so long as she calls the Home to let them know the lass will be a bit later than expected, she knows they won't mind.

[negative_feedback]

"Yes, if that's alright."

She doesn't like to hang out too long when Thomas is around. She's over the whole 'mom-alike dates wilting Victorian baron', but she still feels like there's some tension there. It's probably her own fault, really. The little girl is adorable, but she stares at Regan a lot, and her bright eyes remind her of Beau. But maybe she just needs to get over her own hangups.