More than anything

She manages to get through the whole transaction with more ease and grace than she originally would have anticipated (though either way, she wouldn't have expected any probing questions from a cashier), and there's nothing in her bags that need to go straight into the fridge, or that will be worse off for spending some time in Marius's apartment.

She doesn't think any of it will even prove to be tempting to his cats, though she knows better than to make any presumptions on that front. Cats might get into something just for the sake of it, not because it's especially enticing.

Still, the closer they draw to his apartment, the more anxious she feels. Even if she could keep up a semblance of normalcy, it wouldn't matter -- she was clearly in a bad way when he first ran into her, and that hasn't changed. She'll have to tell him something, which means she'll end up telling him everything. And then he'll know. God, she wishes there was some way to share this without feeling as if she's doing a disservice to anyone who might still be in Darrow after she's gone.